


No Matter How Fleeting

by jinxu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Illness, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26518930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxu/pseuds/jinxu
Summary: Thank you for being my spring.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	1. Oikawa's Curse; Beginning of Autumn

**Author's Note:**

> firstly i'm a science major not english and it's been awhile since i've written anything like this so be nice. i'm really excited to write this so i will do my best!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have proofread this over 20 times, but if there are still mistakes just...pretend to not see okay thank you enjoy

**September 22nd - First day of Autumn**

Oikawa reaches over and grabs his phone from the bedside table, squinting at the sudden brightness before reading the screen.

_**4:58 AM** _

With a groan, he swings his legs over the side of his bed and plants his feet on the ground. He stands, but as he does the room begins to spin and his vision fades to static. Luckily, he manages to catch himself on the bedside table to avoid falling to the floor and his vision returns slowly like an old TV turning on. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, trying to ignore the nausea that begins bubbling up in his stomach like hot oil. 

“God, that’s never not annoying,” he mumbles to himself.

After waking up in the middle of the night and spending the last few hours tossing and turning, he decides that a walk might do him some good. He grabs the coat that had been draped over the back of his desk chair and makes his way to the front door. 

The air is cold and bitterly nips at his cheeks once he’s outside. He takes a moment to appreciate the serene silence that envelops the world just before dawn. With no real destination in mind, he picks a direction and begins walking.

Eventually, he finds himself outside a small coffee shop that has its lights on and an open sign in the window. A bell chimes above his head as he opens the door and steps in. The barista behind the counter greets him softly before returning to their task while waiting for him to be ready to order. It’s rather small and quaint, illuminated by the sunlight that creeps in through the floor to ceiling length windows as the sun begins to peak over the buildings to the east. Oikawa trudges up to the counter, orders his coffee, and then finds himself leaning up against a wall beside the door as he waits. He allows his eyelids to flutter close, resting for just a moment before the bell above the door chimes again. Groggy as he might be, and despite how little he truly cares, it’s almost like a natural human instinct to look towards a door when someone enters, so he does. But he wishes he’d just kept his eyes closed. A boy with silver-toned hair, a blue scarf around his neck, and a book bag slung around his shoulder stands just some feet away. Having noticed the figure in his peripheral vision, the boy glances in Oikawa’s direction, a large grin becoming his face when he does.

“Oikawa?” he asks in bewilderment.

“Mr. Refreshing, it’s been awhile,” Oikawa replies, voice feigning a joyous tone.

The boy nods in response before stepping up to the counter, ready to place his order just as Oikawa had some minutes ago.

The last time he’d seen Sugawara Koushi was, quite frankly, one of the worst days of his life. Seeing him again now brought back the memory he’d rather forget. Their last match against Karasuno, Oikawa’s final breaking point… 

Oikawa notices the barista place his coffee on the pickup counter and thanks his lucky stars. He pushes himself off the wall and retrieves his cup, not even sparing Sugawara a second glance as he exits the shop. 

Once outside, he walks with purpose back towards home, wanting to get as far away as possible. The nausea Oikawa had been feeling has now bubbled up into his throat, he honestly believes he might be sick. Unable to continue moving forward, he slumps against the side of a bakery that hasn’t yet opened and begins to take deep breaths. This is hell.

And then he hears the fast approach of footsteps from behind him. Someone’s yelling, but he can’t make out what they’re saying over the sound of his heart booming in his ears.

 _Go away._ He tries to say, but the words get caught in his throat. Oikawa feels a hand carefully rest on his shoulder.

 _Go away._ He tries again, but all that escapes is a strangled whimper.

“Oikawa!” The voice sounds as if it's coming from down a long tunnel.

From the nausea or panic, he’s not sure, but Oikawa feels his knees buckle and give out beneath him. When he lands, he winces at the immediate pain that courses through his right knee and it only makes the nausea worse. He feels a pair of hands on each side of his head, forcing him to look up. It’s only now he realizes his eyes had been screwed shut, and it takes all his strength to open them.

“Are you okay? Do I need to call someone?” Sugawara’s voice still sounds far, but he manages to make out the words and violently shakes his head.

“Okay…” Sugawara says hesitantly. “Look at me and focus on breathing.”

 _No shit, Sherlock, wish I had thought of that one._ Oikawa thinks, but takes a deep breath, holding it for a few moments before exhaling. 

With a few more repetitions, Oikawa’s heartbeat calms down and the nausea begins to fade, but he knows it’s not gone and today will be particularly rough.

“Can you stand?” Sugawara asks softly.

Oikawa doesn’t say anything, instead trying his luck with action. Sugawara keeps a grip on Oikawa’s elbows and he manages to get to his feet. However, his knee is throbbing, and he knows if he puts too much pressure on it he’ll end up back on the ground.

“Just my luck,” Oikawa laughs halfheartedly.

“Right… okay,” Sugawara says more to himself than to Oikawa. He scans the surrounding area and spots a bench on the other side of the street in front of a 7-eleven. “Lean on me for a moment, let’s get you over there and then figure something out.”

“I don’t need your help,” Oikawa spits.

“Too bad, you’re getting it, now shut up,” Sugawara retorts.

Be it the bluntness that stuns him or the fact he honestly can’t refuse, Oikawa listens and the two manage to stumble clumsily to the other side. Sugawara all but drops Oikawa onto the bench, earning a grunt from the brown haired boy.

“Wow, so graceful,” Oikawa says sarcastically.

“You deserved it, and you’re welcome,” Sugawara replies, not an ounce of remorse in his tone.

Oikawa opens his mouth to bicker, but is promptly shut down by Sugawara speaking up again.

“Are you okay?” he asks, this time his voice is laced with genuine concern. “You seemed a bit—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Oikawa cuts him off. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

Sugawara scowls at the boy and then sighs, “Technically, yes, but I’m not just going to—”

“Go, I’ll be fine,” and for some reason, Oikawa flashes him a smile. It’s forced, but he knows it’s all he can do in hopes to prove he’s well enough to be left on his own.

Sugawara hesitates a moment before his expression changes to one that can only be described as a lightbulb turning on inside his head. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a pen before grabbing Oikawa’s arm and pushing up his coat sleeve. 

“What are you—” Oikawa begins, but Sugawara quickly scrawls something down and pulls away.

He glances at his arm, and somehow his thoughts are in between a state of radio silence and scanning through a hundred channels all at once when he sees Sugawara has written down his phone number.

A proud smile finds a place on Sugawara’s face as he caps his pen, “Just contact me when you get home safely, or if you need to use me as a crutch again, yeah?”

Oikawa scoffs and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. Sugawara laughs at the boy’s childish response, but seemingly accepts it nonetheless and begins to walk away.

Knowing he can’t very well hobble his way back home on his own, Oikawa pulls out his phone. He doesn’t know how he’s going to explain it, but he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. It’s still early enough, Iwaizumi should have some time before his classes start. He dials the number and prays he won’t be sent straight to voicemail. On the fourth ring, it’s clear his prayer was heard.

“It is so goddamn early, you better have a good reason for—”

“I’m sitting outside the 7-eleven 10 minutes away from my house,” Oikawa interjects.

“Okay, and?” Iwaizumi sounds irritated and confused all at once.

Oikawa sighs, no way around it then, “Bad day, I also fell on my bad knee so there’s—”

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Iwaizumi says. Oikawa hears some shuffling followed by the sound of a door opening and closing.

“I’ll see you soon then,” he says sheepishly. Iwaizumi groans, half in agreement, half in annoyance, and hangs up.

The sun finishes rising, catching the world in a momentary pastel blue hue before fading into a comforting gold. Oikawa sits back and closes his eyes, resting his head against the window of the convenience store while breathing in the morning air. He doesn’t remember the last time it felt so fresh or smelled so sweet.

* * *

Twenty minutes later and Iwaizumi is now on the scene.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa calls happily, outstretching his arms as if to ask for a hug.

“No,” Iwaizumi says firmly.

“Rude,” Oikawa pouts. “Well, unless you want to carry me—”

Much to his surprise, it seems Iwaizumi’s intentions are exactly that. He picks Tooru up bridal style almost effortlessly, almost, Oikawa has to quickly secure his arms around his friend’s neck to avoid colliding with the ground for the second time today.

“Hey, wait, you know I was kidding. You can’t possibly carry me all the way back, you’ll either end up getting tired and making me walk anyway, or you’ll drop me and frankly I’ve had enough of—”

“Dumbass, you weigh hardly anything, keep your gangly limbs in place and you’ll be fine.”

This shuts Oikawa up immediately, and a somber silence falls over the two. He didn’t like to think about it, he really didn’t, but he knew he probably looked a bit more frail than either of them were used to. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to cause concern. 

“I saw Mr. Refreshing this morning,” Oikawa says, deciding this is a far better topic, and that’s saying something.

Iwaizumi looks puzzled for a moment, but a look of recognition follows suit, “Ah, Karasuno’s other setter.”

Oikawa hums in response.

“How’d you take it?” Iwaizumi asks. 

“Well,” Oikawa forces out a laugh. “It wasn’t a pleasant reminder, but…”

He trails off, not really knowing where he was planning to go with that. 

Iwaizumi glances down and finds the boy staring lazily off into the horizon, noting how the early morning light reflects in his brown eyes that had become so dreary. The rest of their trek home is made without another word. Sounds of birds singing their morning songs, leaves crunching beneath Iwaizumi’s feet, and the steady sound of both of their breathing fill Oikawa’s ears. He has to stop himself from laughing as he thinks that none of this would be happening if only he wasn’t—

“We’re here, tell me you at least remembered your key with that miserable brain of yours,” Iwaizumi’s voice pulls him from his thoughts.

“Yeah, put me down and I’ll get the door,” he says.

Careful to keep pressure off of his right knee as his feet meet the ground again, he reaches into his coat pocket and retrieves the key before unlocking the door. He motions for Iwaizumi to follow him in, more as a courtesy since he knows his friend will come in regardless of any protests. 

“Parents still out on business?” Iwaizumi asks as he takes off his shoes.

“Yeah,” Oikawa replies feebly, already limping towards his room.

“Jesus Christ,” Iwaizumi says under his breath, taking hold of the boy’s arm to help him to bed.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa calls trying to be playful, but it falls a bit short. “So doting.”

He receives nothing more than an annoyed huff in response as he slips under his blankets, not even bothering to remove his coat. He has trouble keeping his eyes open, feeling as if weights had been tied to his lids.

“I can stay here if you—”

“No.” Oikawa’s voice is firm.

Iwaizumi nods. Oikawa is stubborn and would sooner throw a fit than have his best friend ditch his classes for him, no matter how much he really didn’t want to be alone. But the thought fades as he drifts into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

When Oikawa wakes up again, it’s sometime in the afternoon and the sound of light rain patters against his window. He reaches over to his bedside table for his phone, but instead his fingertips brush against a glass of water, one no doubt left by Iwaizumi. He sees his phone beside the glass, and then pauses, lifting the arm that had been draped above his head and staring at it for a moment.

“No way in hell,” he laughs to himself.

_MESSAGES_

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:11 PM)

[I’m alive]

Oikawa groans and tosses his phone to the side. He knows it is only civil and he’s not a complete child. If Sugawara hadn’t been there, it probably would have made things more complicated.

“Or maybe if he hadn’t been there in the first place—” Oikawa starts, but stops at the chime of his phone. He reaches for it instantly.

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:16 PM)

[I’m sorry, who is this?]

 _He’s fucking joking right? Who else— whatever._ Oikawa types back furiously.

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:17 PM)

[Oikawa]

From: Mr Refreshing (Sent at 3:18 PM)

[Oh right right of course! You made it home then]

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:18 PM)

[Yep]

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:19 PM)

[Good, you’re welcome again~]

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:21 PM)

[Thanks]

He sets his phone back on the bedside table and grabs the glass of water. It's been only a matter of months since Spring High Prelims, but surely he wasn’t still bitter about that.

No, it definitely isn't that on its own, but that is neither here nor there. Maybe if he had more time, things would be different.

However, his days were numbered. Two years at best, but everyone who knew and silently observed his symptoms knew it was probably less than that. He received the diagnosis just before preliminaries, like one last mocking fit of laughter from fate. They were running some basic blood tests for something else when they noticed something was off, so they ran further testing for good measure. Then, very much to their horror, they realized. The sad thing is, oftentimes, it’s already too late once they do. 

Pancreatic cancer is tricky like that. It’s more difficult than most cancers to detect in its early stages due to its symptoms being mistaken with those of other illnesses more common than cancer. By the time it is detected, it has often already started to spread to other parts of the body, which makes effort towards curing it futile. Always falling just short of the finish line seemed to be Oikawa’s curse. 

His phone chimes once, which he ignores, but the second time it calls to him he gives in.

From: Iwa-chan! (Sent at 3:30 PM)

[I’m coming over]

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:31 PM)

[So you CAN use your words! Do you need anything?]

Oikawa flat out ignores Sugawara’s text, leaving him on read because he cannot even begin to deal with his attitude. It reminds him so much of something… oh, god. It reminds him of his own insufferable self. _Maybe Mr. Refreshing was the wrong choice._ He thinks. _Mr. Pain in my ass is much more fitting._

To: Iwa-chan! (Sent at 3:33 PM)

[Okay! I’ll leave the door unlocked, see you soon Iwa-chan~]

He pulls himself to his feet, finding that the pain in his knee has subsided greatly and he feels almost as good as new, almost. The feeling of nausea still lingers in his stomach, but he isn’t sure if it’s because of his medication or due to the lack of food consumption. He figures Iwaizumi will be bringing something, so it’s best to wait until then. Oikawa ambles his way to the door, unlocking it as he promised before taking a seat on the couch. Spotting his laptop on the coffee table, he grabs it and places it in his lap before pulling up one of the various space documentaries he has saved in a playlist. It seems like the best way to pass the time.

* * *

Forty minutes later, Oikawa hears the door open and shut behind him.

“Welcome home, honey!” he calls out in a saccharine tone, not taking his attention away from the screen.

He hears no response, but a hand reaches beside him and grabs a throw pillow, proceeding to hit him in the back of the head with it.

“Iwa-chan!” he whines, finally pushing aside his laptop and turning around. “That’s not very nice.”

Iwaizumi has a satisfied grin on his face and is holding a plastic bag at his side filled with some kind of takeout. Oikawa smiles up at him and rises to his feet, the pair making their way to the kitchen.

“I assumed ramen was fine,” Iwaizumi says, placing the bag on the counter as Oikawa pulls out the barstools from underneath. “I was going to stop by the bakery, but there was a line and I figured you hadn’t eaten yet. We can go afterwards, if you want. The rain isn’t too bad, it’s mostly just a drizzle.”

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Oikawa replies and stares fondly at his friend for a moment. “Mean as you can be, you really do care, huh?”

“What kind of question is that?” Iwaizumi’s taken aback by the sudden shift in tone.

Oikawa only laughs, waving his hand as if to dismiss it altogether, and the two of them sit eating in almost perfect silence.

“Y’know,” Iwaizumi finally speaks up, “he’s in a couple of my general ed courses.”

“Ah, is that so,” Oikawa inquires, trying not to sound as nervous as he feels.

Iwaizumi sighs, setting down his chopsticks and looking over at the boy beside him, “He told me what happened, or rather his understanding of what happened. I let him know you called me and I got you home, he seemed worried.”

 _That brat._ Is all Oikawa can think, not shifting his gaze from the bowl in front of him, “So, what’d you tell him?”

“What do you mean? I just told you—”

“He didn’t ask what was wrong?” 

“Oh... “ Iwaizumi realizes what Oikawa meant. “I said you had the stomach flu, he seemed convinced. You know I wouldn’t just go around telling—”

“I know,” Oikawa cuts him off again, but finally sets his chopsticks aside and turns to look at Iwaizumi.

“You really need to let people talk sometimes,” Iwaizumi says.

“I know,” Oikawa repeats, this time with a soft bit of laughter tumbling from his lips. “Thank you.”

“Whatever,” he replies.

The two stare at each other for what is only a moment, but to Iwaizumi it feels endless. He shifts in his seat, about to tear his eyes away when a sudden deafening clap of thunder sounds off above them and the rain picks up, now hammering against the roof. Oikawa jumps, all but falling out of his chair, earning a snort from his best friend. With a hand to his chest, he shoots him a piercing glare which only makes Iwaizumi laugh harder.

“Well,” Iwaizumi says, finally catching his breath. “It seems the bakery is going to have to wait.”

A devilish grin paints itself across Oikawa’s face, “And it seems you’re stuck here with me until the storm lets up.”

“I’m not sure who that’s going to annoy more, me or you,” Iwaizumi says.

Oikawa pouts, “Don’t you like spending time with your best friend?”

“Knock it off,” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

“Alright, alright,” Oikawa says seriously. “But honestly, it’s been awhile since you stayed over, just try not to hover over my every move and I’ll be fine.”

Oikawa stands, beginning to clean up the counter after the two finish eating. He notes that the nausea he had felt throughout the day has finally passed, and a content sigh falls from his lips. It is nearly 5 o’clock when he finishes up with the dishes and hears his phone chime in his bedroom.

 _MESSAGES_  
From: Mom (Sent at 4:51 PM)

[We’ll be gone for just a bit longer than expected, I’ll transfer money over to your account for groceries.]

“Of course,” he mutters to himself.

“Everything okay?” Iwaizumi asks from the doorway.

“Yeah, business as usual, mom says they had to extend their stay,” he turns around to find Iwaizumi giving him a sad look. “Don’t worry, I’m really okay with it. In fact, I prefer it this way. I never liked people sacrificing themselves to worry about me, nothing’s changed.”

Iwaizumi nods, “I’m gonna shower. All I have with me is sweaty gym clothes, so could I get something of yours? Unless you want me stinking up the place, then by all means.”

Oikawa wrinkles his nose and then laughs, making his way over to his dresser where he pulls out a sweatshirt and some pajama pants he thinks will fit.

“Catch,” he gives minimal warning as he chucks them in Iwaizumi’s direction, but he catches them nonetheless. “Good to see those reflexes are as sharp as ever.”

They share a laugh before Iwaizumi wanders off down the hall. Oikawa’s phone chimes again after a few minutes.

 _MESSAGES_  
From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 5:01 PM)

[I hope you feel better, and stay safe the weather is pretty bad tonight]

Oikawa rolls his eyes and locks his phone, leaving Sugawara on read once more. Though he would never admit it, there’s a small part of him that feels grateful.

* * *

Iwaizumi throws a piece of popcorn that catches in Oikawa’s hair, “Hey, earth to Shittykawa, are you listening?”

“Hm?” he responds. “Yeah, yeah I’m here.”

“Uh huh…” Iwaizumi side eyes him. “What was I saying then?”

Silence.

“Okay, what’s going on with you?” he asks, setting the popcorn bowl down on the coffee table.

“Nothing, just… thinking,” Oikawa muses. 

“Care to share?”

“What, you mean you can’t read my mind?” 

“Just because I know you well doesn’t mean I’m a mind reader,” Iwaizumi scoffs. “And honestly, I think you’d still have a mind reader jumping through hoops to keep up.”

Oikawa laughs, “We’ve known each other a long time, yeah?”

“Yeah…” Iwaizumi says carefully.

“I think I would have become a very different person if I hadn’t met you. You’ve really been my rock, y’know?”

“Oikawa, don’t get all—”

“Hajime, let me say how I really feel for once in my life.”

Iwaizumi is stunned by the sudden usage of his first name, so much so he remains quiet despite wanting to tell Oikawa to knock it off and go back to being annoying. Oikawa hums contently, shifting to lie on his back and draping his legs over Iwaizumi’s lap.

“I’ve always been so hard on myself,” he confesses, staring up at the ceiling to desperately avoid his best friend’s concerned expression. “I was good, but never good enough. I was strong, but I could always be stronger. But having you by my side has always made me feel unstoppable. I’m sure I’ve been more than a handful. You’ve always been the one to remind me to take care and not overwork myself, been the only one to call me out on my bullshit. But on top of all that, you were the only one who ever told me I didn’t have to be strong on my own, and the only one who could ever really see behind the insufferable, pompous act I put up as a defense. Have to admit, it was a little annoying at first that nothing seemed to get past you, but now I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.”

“Alright, you can—”

“Not finished,” he cuts him off again. “It’s been an honor to be by your side all this time. Thanks for putting up with me, really. Your friendship—”

Iwaizumi grabs one of the throw pillows, chucking it at Oikawa’s miserable face. It’s luckily enough to shut him for a few seconds. 

“Stop talking to me like you’re saying goodbye,” Iwaizumi says firmly. “I told you that day in the hospital that I didn’t want to hear it.”

“I’m not saying goodbye,” Oikawa says. “We both know I’m far too stubborn to go down just yet. But it occurred to me that I always lean on you, I hope that hasn’t been too much of a burden.”

“Oikawa, listen to me. You’re annoying, a real pain in my ass sometimes, but you’re never a burden,” he says sincerely, trying his best to maintain eye contact. Tooru smiles, but Iwaizumi knows it’s forced just as it normally is.

“Good to know,” is all he says in response before closing his eyes.

Iwaizumi glances at the clock on the adjacent wall.

_**11:47 PM** _

“Do not fall asleep on me, dumbass, go to bed.”

Oikawa doesn’t open his eyes, but lifts his arms up instead, “Carry me.”

“What?” Iwaizumi is baffled.

“Oh come on, if you can carry me half a mile home, you can carry me a few feet, hm?”

“Do I look like a carriage service to you, _princess?_ ” Iwaizumi emphasises the last word, growing more annoyed by the second. 

Oikawa pulls himself to his feet and shrugs, “It was worth a shot.”

He sluggishly makes his way toward his bedroom, stopping in the doorway for just a moment, “Goodnight, Iwa-chan.”

And then the door shuts behind him.

* * *

The sound of rummaging wakes Oikawa up in the early hours of the morning. He keeps his eyes closed at first, taking in the sound of rain pattering against his window for the second day in a row, though it seems to have calmed down from last night. When he does finally open his eyes, he sits upright and spots Iwaizumi hunched over his duffle bag in the corner of the room.

“Y’know, you’re lucky I don’t startle easily,” Oikawa’s voice comes out hoarse, only now realizing how incredibly dry his throat is.

“Sorry, I forgot I left it in here last night,” Iwaizumi says simply. “Go back to sleep.”

Oikawa nods, more than happy to oblige, but then, “Are those my pants?”

“It’s your everything, dumbass,” he responds, finally standing up and Oikawa notices he’s still wearing his sweatshirt with an alien head printed on the front. 

“Did you go through my drawers, Iwa-chan?” he gasps, feigning modesty. “I sure hope you didn’t find—”

“How are you so insufferable even after just waking up? They were in the dryer,” Iwaizumi says, starting towards the door. “Make sure to get up and actually eat something so you don’t get sick again. I’ll be back after classes to check in.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I’ll just go with you to the grocery store, make sure you eat lunch, and then I’ll go home. Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” Oikawa mumbles in defeat.

He waits to hear the sound of the front door closing and locking as Iwaizumi leaves before Oikawa pulls himself out of bed. Grabbing his phone on the way, he drags himself into the kitchen, pours himself a glass of water, and drinks it slowly as he scrolls through his phone mindlessly. Eventually, he finds himself staring at Sugawara’s texts from the day before.

 _MESSAGES_  
From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 3:31 PM)

[So you CAN use your words! Do you need anything?]

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 5:01 PM)

[I hope you feel better, and stay safe the weather is pretty bad tonight]

Oikawa suddenly finds himself feeling guilty. None of this was his fault, and to be honest the boy hardly got to play in their third year thanks to Kageyama. If anything, maybe he _should_ be bonding with him. Oikawa immediately shakes the thought from his head.

“The last thing I need is to be making more friends,” he says aloud.

He downs the last bit of water in his cup. Surely, he was making the right choice.

* * *

Iwaizumi opens the door and is greeted by the sound of running water from down the hallway. Assuming Oikawa’s in the shower, he kicks off his shoes and walks to the kitchen, a pleased expression on his face when he sees the dirty dishes in the sink.

* * *

_Oikawa's first panic attack was in middle school after Kageyama Tobio had asked him for some advice. To be fair, Kageyama did ask right after he'd replaced Oikawa in a game, only adding insult to injury, intentional or not. Luckily, Iwaizumi had been there to intervene, and Oikawa almost seemed more affected by the whole event than Kageyama had. He had a few more throughout high school, usually triggered by extreme stress or situations in which Oikawa felt he was not in control. Iwaizumi was always there by his side, the only thing that seemed to remain constant throughout the years, a rock for Oikawa to cling to so as not to be uprooted by the harshness of any storm that should pass overhead._

_After Oikawa’s diagnosis, something in him snapped. His parents hadn’t been in town, and Iwaizumi had accompanied Oikawa to his doctor’s appointment upon Oikawa’s mother’s request. He was in the room, and he tries not to think about how lucky that really was. Oikawa probably wouldn’t have told him about it otherwise. He remembers the night he stood in Oikawa’s bedroom, staring at him in his own agonizing silence as Oikawa screamed and cried and _begged_ for Iwaizumi to just leave him to die. It didn’t show in his expression, but the sight tore Iwaizumi’s heart to shreds and he was absolutely terrified. The light in his best friend’s eyes was no longer there, only hollow craters of what was once a magnificent garden. Iwaizumi stayed by his side that night, refusing to leave despite his friend’s protests. By the time morning light came, Oikawa had calmed down, and he made Iwaizumi promise not to treat him any differently than he had since they were kids. At first, it was hard, and then it got easier. Iwaizumi even let himself believe for a short time that things were normal._

_However, towards the end of August, things seemed to shift. He noticed Oikawa had lost a bit of the muscle he’d gained from volleyball, which on its own was fine and to be expected after he announced he’d be quitting the sport, but then he started to _look_ sick. At first, Iwaizumi thought it might have just been the illness, but then he pieced it together. Intentionally or not, Oikawa had been letting his anxiety and dread consume him, and he was beginning to wilt. He’d kept on the same stupid bubbily and carefree mask that he had polished to perfection, but Iwaizumi could see it begin to crack. It took everything he had in him not to scream, he knew he’d have to go about taking care of Oikawa passively if he wanted any chance of success. Damn that fucking brat for always being so stubborn. He wanted to respect Oikawa’s wishes and keep his promise, but he had always worried for the boy. He always had a bad habit of pushing himself beyond his limits, and Iwaizumi always had to be the one to keep him grounded._

* * *

Only now, after so many years, does Iwaizumi begin to question if this is what is truly best for them both. Is a rock still what Oikawa needs? And would Iwaizumi ever have the strength to let go? What would become of him when Oikawa finally withered away?

“Yahoo, earth to Iwa-chan,” Oikawa’s voice pulls Iwaizumi out of thought, well, and the flick to his forehead.

“Ow!” Iwaizumi exclaims, rubbing the red spot left behind. 

“Good! Penny for your thoughts?” Oikawa pesters as he hoists himself onto the kitchen counter.

“Just thinking about something from one of my lectures,” he lies. “Here, catch.”

Oikawa’s hands shoot up, catching the plastic bag that was hucked at his face. It should be noted he doesn’t even remotely believe the excuse, but decides not to press further as he examines the label.

“Milk bread?” he gasps. “You shouldn’t have!”

“I didn’t,” Iwaizumi says honestly.

Oikawa tilts his head, a puzzled expression on his face.

“Sugawara asked if I’d—”

“Geez, he just doesn’t know when to quit.”

“I told you that you need to let other people talk, and what the hell are you on about?”

Tossing the bag on the counter beside him, Oikawa sighs, “He texted me twice yesterday, I didn’t respond, thought he’d get the message.”

“Since when did you exchange numbers?” Iwaizumi asks in confusion.

“After yesterday’s _incident_ , he gave me his and told me to text him once I got home. I wasn’t going to at first, but once I woke up I figured it was the polite thing to do.”

“I see. Well, he may be just as perceptive as you, but he’s definitely not a mind reader,” Iwaizumi says.

“It doesn’t take a mind reader to take a hint,” Oikawa gripes.

“Jesus Christ, make a friend for once,” Iwaizumi snaps, fed up with his constant whining, and he immediately regrets it. Before he can take back his words, Oikawa is already laughing, but not out of joy. It sounds hollow and incredulous. 

“You can’t be serious, do you hear yourself? That’s rich, coming from _you_. Why don’t you tell me about all _your_ friends, Iwa-chan,” the nickname sounds bitter, as if Oikawa’s dipped his tongue in cyanide. “Don’t fucking chastise me. I can make my own decisions. Do you think I’m stupid? Is that it? _Poor, Tooru, can’t possibly handle himself._ Is that what you think? Do you know how hard it’s been to ever make a damn friend in my life? And that’s _before_ I knew I was dying!”

Oikawa’s breath hastens and his heart is beating in his ears. He thought his _best friend_ of all people would understand. He’s moved from his spot on the counter and now stands a few inches from Iwaizumi.

“Oikawa, calm down, it slipped out I didn’t mean—”

His mouth is definitely moving faster than his head, but he can’t stop now, “Oh, but didn’t you? Do you want me to make more friends so I can stop bothering you all the time? Or so that you can just leave and escape this fucking hell? Well, go! No need to wait! The door is right fucking there! I don’t need you! No, fuck that, I don’t even want you here!”

His last sentence feels like a dagger in Iwaizumi’s chest. Oikawa’s heart free falls into his stomach and he heaves, he thinks he’s going to be sick. He braces himself over the sink before his knees can give out beneath him. Iwaizumi remains motionless, bracing himself because he knows what Oikawa’s like when he gets like this. He would slash, stab, then _twist_ , and each word felt like poison. But there’s only the sound of the boy’s dry heaving and desperate gasps for air.

Should he really just leave? He knows if he tries to console him right now, Oikawa will just work himself up further and it’ll only hurt them both. He starts towards the door. Surely, he’s making the right decision.

And then, Oikawa is alone. He falls to the ground, violently sobbing as he wraps his arms around himself. 

He stays this way for what feels like an eternity. His breath keeps catching in his throat while trying to take deep breaths, causing him to cough and then dry heave some more. This is agony. He racks through his brain, trying to picture something, anything that’ll calm him down. The image of a night sky flickers in his mind.

It's not enough to calm him down entirely, but it is just enough that he is finally able to take his first full breath. He spends a few more minutes cradling himself, grasping onto the fabric of his shirt for dear life. Coming down from an attack like this is always disorienting and leaves him feeling exhausted. 

His eyes become wide and frantic again. He doesn’t have time.

_Iwaizumi._

He yanks himself up from the kitchen floor, sprinting towards the door. Without a second thought, he swings it open, fully prepared to run through the streets in his house slippers.

But when the door opens, Iwaizumi is there, sitting with his back up against the wall beside it. Oikawa slides down against the doorframe, eyes glued to the ground knowing he can’t meet his best friend’s eyes.

“I-I didn’t mean...” the words tumble from his lips, tears pricking his eyes once more.

“I know,” is all Iwaizumi says in response. 

“I’m sorry.” Tooru whispers.

“I know,” he says again. “I am too.”

“No, don’t apologize to me. You were only being honest, I was just mad that you were right.”

Iwaizumi nods.

“I just don’t wanna drag anyone else into it,” Oikawa admits, voice shaking as he finally lifts his eyes to meet Iwaizumi’s.

Iwaizumi sighs, “You didn’t drag me into anything. I chose to stay by your side, just as I always have. You have to give people the chance to make that choice.”

Oikawa nods before cautiously leaning his forehead against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. The sun begins to set, illuminating the pair in the last beautiful golden light of the day as the stars begin to twinkle and dance to the sound of the moon’s minuet. For now, this is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good time to warn you i guess, i've never written anything with a happy ending in my life and i don't plan on starting now. :D i know what you're thinking "isn't this an oisuga fic...why is there so much iwaoi undertones?" patience, young grasshopper, good things come to those who wait. i'm already working on chapter 2, so i hope you enjoyed and look forward to the next update soon !! (this will keep me accountable, you'll have to wait 2 weeks MAXIMUM i will not go radio silent on y'all i PROMISE) i was thinking of doing this in a one off, but honestly i think it just works out better this way.


	2. Oikawa's Nickname; What Goes Up...

It’s November fourth, sometime around 4:55 PM.

Oikawa watches a yellowed leaf fall from its branch and twirl to the ground as he’s sat on his porch waiting for...

“Hey, sorry I’m late again,” Iwaizumi huffs as he jogs up to the porch.

Following their last fight about a month and a half ago, Iwaizumi and Oikawa spoke about a lot of things. Something they agreed upon was Iwaizumi checking up more often, which essentially turned into him visiting Oikawa once a day, no matter how short the time period. However, as of late, Iwaizumi’s classes and their increasing workloads were cause for multiple rainchecks and days like today where he ran anywhere from thirty minutes to two hours late.

“No worries, just glad you could make it today,” Oikawa shrugs and pulls himself to his feet.

“Have you eaten?”

Another thing they talked about that night had been Oikawa’s health, which finally gave Iwaizumi the chance to tear into Oikawa for not taking proper care of himself. It hadn’t been intentional, perhaps just one of those situations where he was controlling what he could when everything else was so out of his control, but he knew he needed to make a change, more for Iwaizumi’s sake than his own. He’d put back on some of the weight he’d lost, enough so that he was no longer looking gaunt and withered, but of course Iwaizumi still worries.

“If you mean in general, yes,” he says. “Had breakfast around eight this morning and lunch around one. If you mean dinner, then no.”

“Alright,” a soft smile flashes on Iwaziumi’s face before returning to his usual expression. “Out for dinner then?”

“Sounds good to me,” Oikawa lilts as he walks towards the street. 

Iwaizumi trails behind for just a moment, watching Oikawa walk ahead of him. Thin rays of sunlight peek through the grey painted sky above, almost as if they are reaching out just for him, just barely able to make contact. 

“You coming?” Oikawa chuckles and turns to face him.

And when Iwaizumi looks into his eyes, he remembers the one place light just can’t seem to reach.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, and shoves his hands into his pockets as he shuffles to Oikawa’s side. 

They walk in silence.

* * *

“Oh! How about there?” Oikawa points towards a sushi restaurant seemingly tucked away in an alley. 

Before Iwaizumi can reply, Oikawa takes his wrist and pulls the boy to follow close behind him. Iwaizumi swears his heart leaps up into his throat and he has to swallow it back down. It almost doesn’t feel real.

The pair step into the dimly lit restaurant, greeted by the hostess as well as the sound of faint chatter and soft piano music playing through the speakers. Oikawa takes the lead, flashing the hostess a smile while holding up two fingers. She nods and leads them to a table in one of the corners. The restaurant is quite quaint and rather small, but with only a handful of others inside, it feels much larger. The hostess places down their menus and lets them know their waiter will be with them momentarily before returning to her podium at the entrance.

“Hello, can I get the two of you something to— Oh, my god.”

Oikawa’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull and Iwaizumi has to use every bit of strength he possesses to not burst into a fit of laughter. 

“Hello, Sugawara, I didn’t know you worked around here,” Iwaizumi says, a satisfied grin on his face. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty close to campus, so it’s pretty easy to make it here after classes,” he replies, tapping his pen against his notepad. “Oikawa, looking well. Can I get you guys something to drink?”

“Water’s fine,” Iwaizumi says, glancing at Oikawa who still looks mildly perturbed. 

Sugawara hums in response and steps away, and Oikawa finally shakes his head back into reality. 

“You know, maybe sushi isn’t exactly what I’m craving, ramen sounds good!” he says, beginning to stand.

“They have ramen on the menu,” Iwaizumi says flatly.

“Right, of course they do,” Oikawa sighs in defeat and settles back into his seat.

Iwaizumi says nothing, only stares with a disappointed look in his eyes.

“Geez, _mom_ , going to give me a lecture?”

“No, _dumbass_ , that’s not my job,” he states, shifting his eyes downwards. 

“Did he mention it?”

“You ignoring him? No. Do you care?”

“No,” Oikawa replies a little too quickly.

“Right,” Iwaizumi lets it go. “He’s asked how you’re doing a couple of times, though.”

Oikawa opens his mouth to say something, _What’s it matter to him?_ , he would have said, but he opts for silence. Sugawara returns with two glasses of water and pulls his notepad from his apron pocket. 

“Ready to order?”

“Yeah, tonkotsu ramen, please,” Iwaizumi says.

Oikawa lazily leans his head on one hand, pointing to the menu with the other, “I’ll just have this.”

Sugawara leans closer to see what he’s pointing at and Oikawa freezes, his breathing coming to a halt as well, and he stares as Sugawara glances at the menu. There’s something about the way the dim lighting illuminates his facial features that causes an unfamiliar feeling to bubble up in Oikawa’s chest. It feels warm.

After what feels like a minute, but in reality is only mere seconds, Sugawara pulls away and jots down their orders on his notepad. “Alright, we’ll have that right out for you.”

As he walks away, Oikawa lets out a heavy sigh, earning a confused eyebrow raise from Iwaizumi, “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…” he mumbles. “Just felt a little nauseous for a moment, it’s gone now.”

Iwaizumi nods, “My classes are getting… a little more demanding. I might not be able to stop by everyday.”

“I figured as much, don’t worry about me, focus on your classes. I’m not going anywhere,” he replies casually.

Silence.

“Oh,” Oikawa realizes what he’s said once he sees the flash of hurt in Iwaizumi’s eyes. “Poor choice of words. Well, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“You better not,” Iwaizumi smirks. “Or I’d have to kill you.”

And then, Oikawa laughs. Genuinely laughs. It’s the kind of laugh that has you hunched over, gripping your sides and taking in silent gasps of air. The familiar sound causes a brief bit of laughter to escape Iwaizumi as well, eyes shut tight momentarily before he opens them to bask in the sight. He isn’t sure when exactly he last saw Oikawa react so genuinely, only that it was longer than he would have wished. They would often share small moments filled with giggles, but this is different. In moments like these, there is an innocent air to his best friend, and it reminds Iwaizumi of when they were kids. It’s moments like these he wishes would last forever.

“That was a good one,” Oikawa finally says, sitting up fully and taking in a deep breath. There’s still a small semblance of a smile on his face as his eyes open and meet Iwaizumi’s. And, for just a fraction of a second, Iwaizumi swears he sees something flicker within those dreary brown eyes.

* * *

The rest of their dinner is filled with small talk and stories from college, all mostly from Iwaizumi. Oikawa sits, listening attentively as he takes small bites of his meal, speaking up every once and awhile so that there’s no doubt he is actually listening. Once Iwaizumi clears his own plate, he stands and digs his card out of his pocket.

“Here,” he places the card in front of Oikawa. “I’m going to the bathroom, finish your food and if the check comes—”

“I’ll pay,” Oikawa interjects, pushing the card back in Iwaizumi’s direction.

Iwaizumi glares, but silently accepts the offer and wanders off as he knows just how stubborn Oikawa could be.

Oikawa spaces out, pushing pieces of food around on his plate and tuning out the world around him. It’s a skill he’s come to be quite good at. Too good, in fact, as he fails to hear Sugawara speaking to him until he feels a hand on his shoulder. He jumps at the sudden contact before meeting the boy’s eyes.

“Welcome back to earth, space cadet,” Sugawara giggles. “Here’s the check, and I can take any dishes you’re finished with.”

“Space—” Oikawa narrows his eyes and then sighs, setting down his utensil. “Right, okay, we’re all done I think.”

Sugawara hums and Oikawa reaches into his wallet, pulling out his card and placing it in the checkbook before handing it back. He watches Sugawara saunter off towards the cash register. He zones out once more, this time brought back by a sudden sting to his forehead. He hisses in pain and scowls up at Iwaizumi, who seems pretty pleased with his choice of action to flick the boy back into reality.

“You’re mean,” Oikawa pouts.

“As if you’ve never done it to me,” Iwaizumi scoffs.

“Well when I do it—”

“Alright, here’s your card,” Sugawara returns. “Thank you, and please come again!”

Oikawa huffs at the cheesy smile on his face and Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at his child-like behavior. “Thank you, Sugawara, I’ll see you in class.”

“See you then, Iwaizumi. Take care, Oikawa,” he says before disappearing to the kitchen.

“Would it kill you to show some manners?” Iwaizumi asks.

“Maybe it would,” Oikawa rebuttals, rising to his feet and the two start towards the door.

A gentle breeze wraps itself around the pair as they step outside, a soft red glow now leaking from the restaurant as the sun has long since laid itself to rest. It’s sometime around 6:15 PM and the moon gazes down at the world below. The alleyway is quiet, aside from crickets chirping and the muffled chatter that spills from small bars and restaurants the two pass by as they make their way back towards home. 

“Do you… hate him or something?” Iwaizumi asks carefully.

Oikawa raises a brow in confusion. “Who?”

“The mad hatter,” Iwaizumi deadpans, unamused. “Sugawara, dumbass.”

“Oh,” he laughs off the slight embarrassment he feels. “No, I don’t hate him.”

“Do you blame him?”

“No.”

“Then why—”

“He’s not the problem,” Oikawa says abruptly, seemingly shocked at his own words. “Just the reminder.”

Iwaizumi stops, staring at the boy in bewilderment. Oikawa continues on a few more steps before turning to face his friend.

“What are you on about?”

Oikawa shrugs. Iwaizumi only crosses his arms over his chest with a stare that feels as if he’s boring through what small fragments of a mask Oikawa has left. No choice then.

“I’m not upset about losing for my own sake,” he admits, turning his gaze to the stars. “I didn’t even want it for me, I wanted it for the others. I had three years to prepare and I couldn’t make it happen. I failed you. Then again, first seems to always be just out of my reach, so maybe it was a curse to have me as your captain—”

“Oi, cut that shit out!” Iwaizumi says firmly, but there’s a bit of betrayal in the way his voice cracks. “You didn’t fail anyone. I told you, I couldn’t be prouder to have you as a partner. As for the team, they admired and respected and trusted you, you always pushed yourself for our sake. You are a really amazing setter and an even better captain. It’s not fair for you to place all the burden on yourself. No one else wants that. No one blames you, Oikawa.”

Silence. He knows that, but he can’t help but blame himself.

“You’re not actually insufferable, you know,” Iwaizumi mumbles, staring at his feet. “You’re a pain in the ass, but you’re nice to have around, I guess.”

Oikawa chuckles halfheartedly at his best friend’s attempt to console him, finally tearing his gaze from the sky as Iwaizumi lifts his own from the ground. “Thank you, Hajime.”

“Don’t call me that, it’s weird,” he says.

“Hmm, but we’ve been friends for so long, maybe you could call me—”

“Over my dead body, let’s get going before you catch a cold.”

Iwaizumi gives Oikawa a reassuring yet firm slap on the back as he walks on ahead.

* * *

_MESSAGES_  
From: Iwa-chan! (Sent at 5:05 PM November 9)

[Can’t make it today, sorry]

To: Iwa-chan! (Sent at 5:06 PM November 9)

[No worries!~ There’s always tomorrow :D]

From: Iwa-chan! (Sent at 5:06 PM November 9)

[Right. Make sure to take care of yourself so I don’t kick your ass]

To: Iwa-chan! (Sent at 5:06 PM November 9)

[Mean Iwa-chan :(]

Oikawa sets his phone down and stretches his arms above his head. He’s not surprised, they talked about this last week after all. And this is pretty much what has happened everyday since. Sometimes Iwaizumi texts earlier, sometimes Oikawa doesn’t receive a text at all, but each day for the last five days, Iwaizumi has had to cancel. 

This also means Oikawa has been cooped up inside for five straight days, not even opening his curtains to let the sunlight in. He doesn’t really care much for leaving the house on his own these days, mostly due to the fact he doesn’t want to have an episode in public, though if Iwaizumi asked he’d make up another reason. And as for the curtains, well, he just can’t be bothered. 

“What to do, what to do,” he muses, glancing around his bedroom, his eyes land on the laptop sitting on the desk.

He picks it up and brings it back to his bed, clicking through some files until he finds what he’s looking for. It’s a video of Aoba Johsai’s match against Karasuno at prelims. He sucks in a breath, holding it for a moment in contemplation. And as he exhales, he presses play.

* * *

When Oikawa opens his eyes, he’s met by darkness and the weight of his laptop still open on his lap. He fiddles with the mouse, illuminating the screen to squint at the time. It’s just after nine. In front him is the paused frame of his last ditch effort to receive after Hinata’s final spike. He’s watched the scene back to back a million times over. If he’d just been a little quicker, a little more nimble, a little more prepared…

He shakes the thought from his head and closes the lid of the laptop. Maybe a walk and fresh air would do him some good. He fumbles through the darkness of his room out to the front door, feeling his way along the wall for guidance. Once outside, he takes a deep breath. Summer has long since passed, meaning nights now are much cooler and after five straight days inside, the air seems fresher. The sound of fallen leaves scuttling along the ground, carried by a slight autumn breeze harmonize with the cricket’s chirping and Oikawa’s lone footsteps. Through partly cloudy skies, he can still spot a few stars above twinkling as bright as always, putting his mind a bit more at ease. The past shouldn’t matter, especially not now, he should spend his time focusing on the present. Replaying what could have been over and over in his mind won’t do anything but waste time, and his ticking clock hardly has any time left to waste. But these things are always easier said than done, aren’t they?

Oikawa makes his way into the same quaint part of town he last visited with Iwaizumi, not really noticing this was the direction he was heading in considering the fact he’d been zoning out. Maybe he should pay more attention. 

“Oh, hi, Oikawa.” 

Yes, he really should pay more attention. With it being too late to turn on his heels and him not possessing a magic pocket watch that can reverse time, he brings his attention back to reality, straight to the silver haired boy directly in front of him. Now that he thinks about it, a moment later and he would’ve bumped into him entirely.

“Hey, fancy meeting you here,” he shifts uncomfortably on his feet.

“I mean, I guess, yeah. But I think I should be saying that to you, I do work in the area and all,” Sugawara says.

“Right, right…” So what now exactly? But his mouth moves faster than his brain, “Did you just get off shift or something?”

“Yeah, heading home now actually. What about you? Why are you out and about so late?”

Oikawa notices Sugawara’s eyes drooping a bit more than usual, and the slight tone of amusement he always seems to have is also missing, must be tired. Good, they can wrap up quickly then.

He only shrugs, “Just on a walk, fresh air or whatnot.”

“I see.”

Then, they both stand still in silence, as if previous plans of movement have been entirely forgotten. Sugawara is first to tear his eyes away, fixing them instead behind Oikawa.

“Headed that way?” he asks, lazily pointing back in the direction from which Oikawa came. 

Oikawa nods.

“Alright, I am too. You can either follow or hang back til I’m ahead, choice is yours.”

The blatant lack of interest as Sugawara steps around Oikawa is a bit jarring. But once more, his feet move faster and seemingly all on their own as he takes strides to catch up.

“Sorry,” Oikawa mumbles.

“What was that?” 

“I said I’m sorry?”

“Mhm, just wanted to hear it again,” ah, there’s the usual tone.

_What a little shit._ Oikawa thinks.

“Listen, it’s not because I’m bitter or anything, because I’m not. I just got busy and I was dealing with some things, so by the time I got the chance to chill out again I just—”

“Oikawa,” Sugawara cuts him off.

“Yes?”

“I don’t care,” he laughs. “We’re adults, we both have our own things to worry about, it’s not like we’re friends or anything, I can take a hint ya know?”

“Shit, did Iwaizumi say something?”

“What? No, what would he have said?”

_Tooru, shut up, you talk too much for your own good._

“Nothing, nothing…” he trails into silence.

They stay like this for a few moments before Sugawara speaks up again at a fork in the road.

“Which way?” 

“Ah… my house is to the left.”

“Alright,” Sugawara goes left.

“Do you live down here too?” Surely he doesn’t.

“No, but it’s dark and you’re not all that graceful,” he turns around, now walking backwards, and laughs. “So I’ll walk you home, just in case you need a crutch.”

Oikawa scoffs, “Please, I’m perfectly capable on my own, y’know!

“Mhm, I’m sure you are.”

“I am!” he whines.

“I was agreeing with you!”

“God! You’re so annoying, you know that?” Oikawa says, but he can’t help but laugh as he does.

“So are you,” Sugawara retorts. “But it’s a charm point. Isn’t it, dear prince?”

Sugawara finishes the remark off with a dramatic bow and Oikawa stops altogether in the middle of the street. He’s been called the name countless times before, but there’s something about the teasing tone of the boy’s voice that makes it feel different somehow. 

“You’re so dumb,” Oikawa finally says, rolling his eyes and stepping around him.

“Oh, come on, I’d say that was a pretty good performance,” Sugawara chuckles, jogging up to Oikawa’s side once more. “And it shut you up for two seconds, so it was successful in something!”

Oikawa snorts. Wow, this kid really just says whatever he wants, huh?

“Anyway, how is your knee by the way?” he asks, a little more mellow now. 

“Meh, hurts sometimes when it’s cold, but other than that it’s fine.” Oikawa shrugs.

“I see… and the stomach flu?”

“The what?” 

“Iwaizumi said you had the stomach flu. I guess I don’t know why I asked, it was over a month ago and you seem just fine.”

“Oh, right, yeah. I’m fine.” Oikawa pauses. “And thanks, again.”

Sugawara hums in response and the two carry on just a bit further down the road. The crickets seem quieter now than before, or maybe Oikawa’s attention is just elsewhere. He takes a quick glance at the boy beside him out of the corner of his eye. The fluorescent amber streetlamps highlight his features, did he always have a beauty mark beneath his eye? Sugawara turns his head, causing Oikawa to quickly look away, and a shiteating grin to become Sugawara’s face.

“Enjoying the view I see,” he teases.

“Oh piss off, as if!” Oikawa exclaims, nudging Sugawara’s shoulder and slightly knocking him off balance. “Just trying to figure out how someone can be so annoying.”

“So annoyingly pretty, you mean?”

“Shut up.”

“That wasn’t a no,” Sugawara lilts.

“It also wasn’t a yes,” Oikawa mocks. 

“Ohh, and that darling little nickname you have for me,” Sugawara smirks. “Mr. Refreshing, was it?”

“I never called you that, I don’t know what you’re on about,” he says, you know, like a liar.

“Hm? But you did, at the coffee shop that morning.”

“I can’t believe you remember that, my god, it’s not what you’re thinking at all.”

“Do explain then, I’ll wait.”

Oikawa huffs in annoyance, but obliges nonetheless, “Was just the way you lightened the mood on the court after subbing for Tobio is all.”

“Oh…” Sugawara replies, seemingly made speechless for once.

“Yeah, I guess that’s just your thing,” Oikawa waves his hand as if hoping to dismiss further commentary. “Ah, this is my place.” 

Oikawa stops at the steps that lead up to his front door and turns to face Sugawara, who has a contemplative look in his eyes.

“Careful, you look like you’re thinking a bit too hard there,” he laughs. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Nothing important,” Sugawara responds with a smile.

“Okay…” well now he really wants to know, but supposes it can’t be helped. “Goodnight then, thanks for walking me home I guess.”

“Goodnight, Oikawa, rest well,” he waves and begins heading back in the direction from which they came.

“Suga-san!” Oikawa calls suddenly and the boy whips around.

“Yes?” 

“Text me… when you get home safely,” the words fall from his lips without him even thinking.

“Your wish is my command, dear prince,” Suga giggles with a bow, and then turns once more on his heels to head home.

Oikawa watches Suga walk away, slowly but surely fading from sight, a light fluttering feeling in his chest. He fumbles with the lock of his front door and steps inside, feeling his way along the wall again back to his room. Once inside his own personal chamber, he opens the curtains to find the moon shining softly up above, he thinks its pearlescent glow has never seemed quite as beautiful as it does now. Yes, surely the fresh air did him some good. With one last fleeting glance, he tears himself from the window and heads for the shower.

_MESSAGES_  
From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:10 PM November 9)

[I’m alive]

Oikawa shakes his head at the message that mirrors the one he sent Suga a couple months back. He’s as annoying and chipper as ever.

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:12 PM November 9)

[I’m sorry, who is this? :)]

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:13 PM November 9)

[Ohh very funny, or have you really forgotten me already dear prince?]

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:14 PM November 9)

[How could I forget the only one who rivals me in insufferability]

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:14 PM November 9)

[Ouch! :( you wound me]

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:16 PM November 9)

[Yeah yeah glad you got home safe, I can sleep now goodnight]

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:19 PM November 9)

[Goodnight sleeping beauty]

To: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:19 PM November 9)

[Hold on, am I the prince or sleeping beauty? Pick one]

From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 10:20 PM November 9)

[Hmm gonna need to think about that one, I’ll let you know next time we chat :) Sleep well]

Oikawa chucks his phone onto the bed and scrunches his nose. _Lame._

Yet, as he crashes down face first onto his pillow, there is a small voice cheering in the back of his mind, so quietly it could easily go unnoticed. The next time they chat… no, surely he’s not...

But he is. Oikawa’s looking forward to it.

* * *

“Wake up,” a pillow hits Oikawa in the face.

“Who invited you in?” Oikawa groans. “Wait… who the fuck let you in?”

“Myself. The key is still hidden under that one rock out there, you should probably change that, how many years has it been?” Iwaizumi says, sitting at the foot of Oikawa’s bed.

“Yeah, sure, make yourself at home,” Oikawa mutters under his breath.

The pair glare at one another before bursting into laughter.

“Don’t you have class? What time is it?” Oikawa asks and shuffles his blankets around, searching for his phone.

“It was about 7:30 when I got here, and no. Professor had some commute complications or something, so I’m free.”

“Ah, how nice,” he replies, finally finding his phone and checking his screen. Nothing.

“I figured you weren’t awake, so I didn’t bother texting you,” Iwaizumi says.

“Right, right, that makes sense,” Oikawa mumbles. “Well, what do you want to do?”

“Did you eat last night?”

_Shit._

“Um…” Oikawa nervously chuckles. “Free pass?”

“Only because I had a feeling,” Iwaizumi stands and makes his way toward the door. “Pancakes fine?”

“Yeah, I think there’s a mix in the pantry, I’ll come help—”

“Just stay put, don’t need you fumbling around in there,” he commands and disappears to the kitchen.

“Thanks mom!” Oikawa sarcastically calls behind him.

“Oi!” Iwaizumi yells from the hall, and Oikawa snickers to himself.

A slight breeze sends a shiver down Oikawa’s spine and he looks towards the window which he must’ve left open last night, and only now realizes just how cold it is in his room. He pushes his blankets away, walks over and closes it. With the birds’ chirping now muffled, he hears the faint sound of sizzling and silverware clanking from the kitchen. It all almost feels like a dream, this isn’t something Oikawa is particularly used to. For the first time it feels… nice, to be doted on.

He stares blankly through the window, up towards the clouds floating through a partly sunny sky. Will this be something he misses? And how cruel for him to only now experience such things. How many of his firsts will also be his lasts? There are so many things he feels he’s taken for granted. How is it that the world somehow seems more beautiful when you know you’ll soon have to leave it?

Time must pass differently when you are deep in thought, because Oikawa is pulled out of his by the whipping of a hand towel against his arm.

He hisses in pain, “Now _that_ was uncalled for, do you know how much that shit hurts?”

“Eh, I know you can handle it, breakfast is—” Iwaizumi’s pleased grin falls back to his typical serious expression. “Are you crying?”

Oikawa looks perplexed for a moment and lifts his hand to rub his eyes, surprised by the dampness that meets his fingertips. 

“I told you, that shit hurts,” he laughs weakly. 

“You can tell me.”

“I don’t know if you want to hear it,” Oikawa whispers, a sympathetic look in his eyes.

Iwaizumi nods, “Breakfast is ready then.”

* * *

Oikawa sits at the counter as Iwaizumi finishes up dishes, and he hears his phone chime beside him. He reaches for it instantly.

_MESSAGES_  
From: Mr. Refreshing (Sent at 8:31 AM on November 10)

[Morning, hope you have a good day~]

“Who’s that?” Iwaizumi asks as he turns off the tap and dries his hands, turning to lean back against the sink.

“Right, about that,” Oikawa sets his phone down and rests his chin on his hands. “I went out for a walk last night—”

“I should kick your ass.”

“Yes, yes, later. Anyway, I went out for a walk last night and bumped into our acquaintance.”

“Oh?” Iwaizumi raises a brow.

“And you’d be proud of me, I didn’t turn on my heels and take off in the other direction.”

“I feel like you didn’t have a choice…” he says doubtfully.

“That’s neither here nor there. Point is, he walked me home, we talked. Blah, blah, blah.”

“Nice,” Iwaizumi pushes himself off the counter.

It’s Oikawa’s turn to raise a brow inquisitively, trying to place the sudden and enigmatic shift he feels, “You good?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Anyway, you said you wanted to go to the planetarium, right? I think it’s open today. Free entry, too.”

Oikawa’s eyes light up like the stars themselves. “Really?”

“Yeah, go get dressed, loserkawa,” Iwaizumi says with a half smile.

He makes his way swiftly back to his room, ignoring the nickname as well as shaking away the feeling that, for once, his perception may not be all knowing.

* * *

The once only partly cloudy sky is now completely overcast, a light drizzle falling on the pair as they stand outside the planetarium. 

“Looks like we’re just in time,” Oikawa says, grabbing Iwaizumi’s wrist and dragging him close behind. “Come now, no time to waste.”

“I’m not your dog, y’know?” Iwaizumi protests, but still allows his feet to move with ease.

“Yeah, I know,” he replies, flashing a smile to the boy over his shoulder.

Inside, a replica solar system looms above them, hanging from the high ceiling. The main lobby branches off into three separate subsections, the left and right wings being exhibit entrances, and the centermost one being the entrance to the planetarium’s fulldome theater, where presentations and documentary-type showings take place. Oikawa reaches for a brochure from the front desk and scans over the information. 

“It seems like their first show is at 11AM,” he declares, and glances down at the watch he slipped onto his wrist before leaving the house. “Which means… we have about an hour and a half.”

“Alright, you lead the way, nerd,” Iwaizumi chaffs. 

“I’d rather be a nerd than a bug obsessed dweeb,” Oikawa returns.

“I am not bug obsessed!”

“Tell that to the bug net you hit me with countless times as kids! And the horned dynastid you chased me around with that one time!”

“At least I grew out of mine,” Iwaizumi murmurs. “And, what can I say? Your shrieking was funny.”

Oikawa rolls his eyes and waves a dismissive hand as he continues to read through descriptions of the exhibits. A small smile becomes his face before he takes Iwaizumi’s hand, yes his hand this time, and pulls him towards the right wing.

“No better place to start than our own solar system before exploring the rest of the galaxy, right?” Oikawa asks rhetorically. 

Normally, Iwaizumi would groan or fire off an insult, but his attention is focused down at their fingers intertwined.

* * *

Over an hour goes by as the pair make their way through rooms, each exhibiting yet another wonder of the galaxy. They step foot into a final room. It’s dark, very dark, save for the lights projected up above them, meant to replicate the night sky that evening. It’s breathtaking. Oikawa stares up in awe.

“Woah…” he says quietly, “it really feels as if… as if we’re walking through space.”

But Iwaizumi doesn’t look up. His focus is once again glued on the boy who stands in front of him, an arm’s length away, so close he just might be able to reach out and—

“Iwaizumi?” Oikawa takes a few steps further into the room and Iwaizumi feels his heart drop, as if it floated up just short of the exosphere before gravity began to bring it back down.

“Yeah?” he asks, voice uncharacteristically soft.

“What do you think happens after we die?”

Silence.

“I read somewhere that… all the atoms in our bodies are made of… star stuff,” he giggles at the term before continuing. “I think that, maybe, our souls float up and up and up until… we become stars again.”

He smiles. “I’ll become a star that watches over you, Hajime.”

Iwaizumi is rendered speechless, eyes still set straight ahead. He wants to scream. He wants to tell Oikawa to knock it off and, for the last time, stop using his first name.

But he can’t.

Mind racing and heart still falling at an accelerating speed, he reaches out. Maybe he can still be that rock, maybe he can pull him back down, maybe—

A chime from the intercom stops him just short.

“Attention all guests,” an automated man’s voice says. “Our showing of Journey Through the Observable Universe will begin in just 10 minutes, please make your way to the fulldome theater if you wish to enjoy the show. Thank you.”

“Just in time,” Oikawa says, turning around to look at his _friend._

“Yeah, just in time,” Iwaizumi whispers. 

No, Oikawa doesn’t need a rock. 

_It’s time, Iwaizumi. Or have you forgotten what you swore to yourself that day? He was dead to you the moment you found out he was dying, remember? And your love was to die with him._

As Hajime’s heart finally collides with the earth’s surface, it shatters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have to proofread by reading out loud and it kills my throat to talk for long periods of time, forgive any mistakes here and in the future if there are any. but :) hope you're liking it, the oisuga shall soon begin please stay in your seats. i'll work hard and see you in chapter 3 !!


End file.
